Fortress of Solitude

This my fortress of solitude...where I can travel the boundless terrain unfettered and undaunted. I confer with dragons and chat over tea with panthers. I glide along the wind like a graceful bird and dance like a dervish, and the light I spin is woven into fantastic patterns within and beyond myself.

I feel like I've skipped a beat, skipped out of my groove, so to speak, for quite some time, and I am awaiting when I shall return to my path. But for now, I am empty and sit silently along the wayside.

I've been living empty for a long time, slowly losing bits of what I identified as 'me'...my massage practice, my yoga practice, my singing practice, my pottery practice, my baths where I cleansed myself from the harshness of the world, my ability to articulate what I feel/see inside myself...I've lost it all over the past two to three years. I have also lost my freedom to drift, to wander at will, as I now have two little sons...2.5 years and 6 months. And I am now MOMMA...who is Momma? These little souls are not mine, they just entered this world through me and will go out on their little cosmic adventure soon enough...it is my duty to guide them and nurture them so that their wings may grow strong enough for them to fly out into this world.

According to those who believe that we as humans are 'ascending'....there has been major energy shifts over the past years; a 'quickening' and condensing of energy as we shift from 3 dimensional power oriented beings into 4th dimensional, heart oriented beings...similar to moving from the 3rd 'power' chakra to the 4th 'chakra. It is also known as Christ Consciousness...for the most part..we are all ascending into a higher consciousness. Karen Bishop has a great site where she illuminates these energy waves as they ebb and crest.

www.whatsuponplanetearth.com/latest.htm

So I need to live in my bliss...but Im not sure what exactly gives me bliss...I would really like to have a health center, with yoga and massage and bodywork...aromatherapy, herbology, earth-oriented learning all woven together into a healing modality...someday...but I don't know the first step. So I asked Goddess to visit me in my dreams....and she did. I dreamt of three women speaking with me (maiden, mother, crone?), and the tallest came over to me and urged me to 'butt heads' playfully, but she encouraged me to use all my strength to push against her...she was laughing heartily and fully enjoying herself...she was buoyant yet substantive...and I liked her very much. I also saw myself singing and dancing like a dervish....and that tapestry of light emanating from me....Im not sure what that means on this cerebral level, but at the depths of my soul...I've been answered. So there is my path...there is my joy....singing and dancing....

I haven't posted on this blog since my initial forage into the bloggy wilderness...and actually moved to http://ohmmamamudpie.typepad.com/ since it itially seemed easier to set up. So there it is...my public blog...but I think I will keep this blog for my secret, secret self...I'm not yet ready to share my moist and fragile wings with the world, not just yet. Here I will weave my soulskin, slowly, by my hand, my voice, and by my dreams.

Namaste

Welcome Ohm

Hi there, and welcome to my blog. This is my first attempt at blogging, as I am horrible at keeping a journal. I used to type my journal on an old typewriter so I could keep up with my thoughts, otherwise, I couldn't read my own writing ;).

For intros...I am currently a stay at home mommy to two boys; a spirited 2 year old and an angelic 2 month old...they are such gifts to my soul and I am so overwhelmingly blessed. But it has been an adjustment. I am a free spirit and like to say I was retired in my 20s, as I pursued a music career then, sang in alternative bands, writing and singing original songs and had a blast...this is where I am most at home, creating and expressing myself on stage, for there, I am me, and I am heard.

Off stage is a little different; Im quiet, keeping my thoughts to myself and observing the world. I'm a deeply spiritual being, and I believe I am on this planet to teach and help humanity in some way. I became a massage therapist and yoga teacher about 6 and 4 years respectively...and I believe this is part of my 'calling', as I am a healer...but the singing still stirs in my soul, calling me back to myself. Someday I wish to synthesize all of my facets into one giant, beautiful healing system; a dancing/groovy, yoga, chanting, healing art.

Im also an artist and worked in clay for years, showing my pots at art fairs, and am working on building my studio in the back yard. My second son kinda put that endeavor on the back burner...so Im feeling creatively frustrated at the present time. I love my sons, and I love being a mom, but just sometimes, I need that creative outlet...time for myself, to focus on the deeper part of me...Im a mom, yes, but I am more, the mom part is just another sparkling facet of who I AM. Yep, that's me, a multifaceted celestial angelic motorcade...I can bang my head to Lincoln Park and go all spiritual to Deva Premal...I don't see a contradiction there...I live for Truth, to be real in everything I do and to experience Life's beauty...and I find reality in emotions...all emotions...even the not so socially acceptable ones. Anger can be very cleansing when you move through it and then let it go...my does that work!

So here I am, I met my husband four years ago, became pregnant with our first son a year later, bought and moved into a present home to a new town for both of us, experienced Hurricane Wilma and her 4 feet of ocean kiss in our home...then became pregnant with our second son, married my husband six months ago and our second son was born the end of March. Looking at that in writing...no wonder Im tired and a little overwhelmed!

So, being new to the neighborhood and 6 months pregnant, I didn't make that many new friends..Im not the best pregnant woman...I find it frustrating the bigger and slower I became ;)...as I said, I am a free spirit...babies and children? Great? The extra 30 pounds on my body...not so great. The hormonal ferris wheel Im on...also not so great.

This is my attempt at a creative outlet. I do not have a best friend down the road to go to coffee and discuss our days, our thoughts, etc. on a daily basis, so this will be that friend. This will be my coffee clatch...someplace where I can vocalize all my thoughts...even those I edit from my friends because they might be freaked out.

I read somewhere that Motherhood is one of the most spiritually challenging experiences one can have; it is easy to be spiritual sitting alone on a mountain chanting to the heavens, it quite the challenge to be at peace when your son has painted the dog, again, painted the baby...again, spilled the detergent and emptied his diaper...somewhere...chilling to say the least. So I am the OhmMama...reaching oneness with everything through my past training in bodywork, yoga, meditation and chanting...I AM one with Source, and I am at Peace...Ohm Shanti, Shanti, Shanti...yes I lose it, Ohm Sh**, Sh**, Sh**, but I return, again to my center, forgive my humanness and continue on...each experience is an opportunity to learn, to breath and to love/live.

I am a work in progress, I rise and fall, I fail and succeed, and my babies still love me...that is my saving grace, that is my peace, that is my joy. I am home.